Panic Button!

Here's the skinny on MRI's.  If you are skinny, there will be more room to breathe (need to work on that one).  And thankfully for me they need the part of the body in the middle of the tube that they are scanning.  So since it was my foot, I only went in half way.  However, I did not realize this until AFTER I hit the "panic button" 2 seconds after the lady left the room.  How can I be so weak?  I have no idea, and I never knew how claustrophobic I was until today. 

I have always been able to talk myself down, quote scripture, breathe, sing in my head ect. to calm myself down in tight spaces.  That was until today when I faced the Toshiba (yes - Toshiba) coffin machine (aka MRI.)  I refused to think I would need "help" just to do something people do every day.  After all, aren't I confident, in control and capabale?  Well, that's what I thought.  I was rational right up until SHE LEFT ME!  I was laying half way in the tube, headphones in and she says, "ok, lets get started."  The music was suppose to start, and it didn't.  I took one look down my body at the small opening and how close my nose would be to the top and I lost all reasoning.  Now remember, I still thought I was going further in:

"I won't be able to breathe.  The air is hot in there.  I will be too close to the top.  How will I get out?  I need her to come back.  Why isn't the music playing,  I can't do this.  I can't breathe.  I can't do this. I can't breathe in there" . . . literally over and over while increasing in speed and intensity in my head.  No more self talk, no more prayer.  Just crazy lady I've never met before.  My chest was pounding and racing at the same time, my breathing changed and the room was spinning.  And I had NO CONTROL.  Not fun!  So, I sat up - they can't put me in there if I sat up I thought.  And I hit the "panic button" (call button).  "Are you ok?"  "How far do I have to go in?  My music hasn't started." 

And then she is the music to my ears, "Oh, you don't have to go any further.   That's it."  And I said with as much nonchalance as I could muster, "Oh, okay.  Great.  I'm good."  I layed down, listened to my music and noticed the "TOSHIBA" sign on the coffin machine.   I also decided if the coffin machine and I ever meet again for anything other than a foot - I will be requesting sedation!

Happy Birthday Great-Grandma

What a joy and blessing it was today to take my Grandma out for her 85th Birthday.  I never realized how much I was missing by living away from family.  Daniel and Amani and I treated "Aunt-Grandma" as Daniel calls her (not sure why) and "Grandma Grandma" as Amani called her today, to a wonderful meal of a McChicken sandwich at McDonalds.  The kids gave her their homemade cards and we ate a little store bought cake and it was wonderful! Grandma Green, who doesn't show much emotion, was thrilled - I could really tell in the way she said "Thank you.  It's good to get out."

I can't begin to imagine living in a nursing home.  I used to dread going into them.  I'm not sure why, but I didn't grow up around the elderly as an army brat - so maybe it was the lack of exposure.  Who knows.  Anyway - I had to put on a confident face the many times I took kids groups from church to the nursing homes to minister.  I couldn't let them know how I was feeling.  What's different now?  Well, that's my Grandma in there.  I love her and seeing her getting so old is difficult.  I feel priviledged to be able to spend time w/ both of my Grandma's since moving here.    

My kids LOVE going to see both of their Great-Grandma's and I am SO glad they are learning to love and respect the elderly and not fear them.   We stop and say hi to the men and women lining the halls in their wheelchairs w/ nowhere to go and nothing to do.  Some don't respond, but there is one lady who practically hunts the kids down and we have to escape!  Not kidding!  Daniel and Amani have helped me learn to SEE these people.  After all, they are someone's Grandma, Grandpa, brother, sister, mom, dad, aunt or uncle.  I wouldn't want my Grandma ignored! 

After our birthday lunch, I signed Grandma back into the nursing home.  And I noticed, there were only 4 or 5 names in between hers from last Saturday when she came over for Thanksgiving dinner and today.  That means maybe only 1 resident out of hundreds left the building each day.  My heart broke.  I know a lot of them can't leave.  But are we really that busy?  We walked "Aunt-Grandma" back to her room, hung up the new home- made birthday cards on her wall and said good-bye.  I love you Grandma.  Someday I will be 85 - will I be visited often, or forgotten about?   Maybe I'll have a McChicken sandwich and small coke at McDonald's on my 85th birthday w/ my Granddaughter and her kids.  It'll probably be a lot more than $2.00!

The Wide Wide World

So I have been told I need to blog.  Here it is.  Since the focus of my life right now is my family, getting them ready for the "wide wide world" (can you name that book?)  before they just go roly-poly, pell-mell, tumble-bumble into it, I will probably write most often about Daniel (3) and Amani (2).  They are my greatest joy, most difficult challenge, and most profound responsibility on this earth.  Dominic and I are determined to bring them up to be Godly adults who value Jesus first and all else after that.  So I will start with a "joy" story.

The other night I was telling Daniel a bedtime story about some animal (can't remember what) and he ALWAYS has to know the animal's name.  Well, I gave it a name and he of course changed the name (those first borns can be so controlling).  He said, "No, Geedee."  So I repeated it "Geedee?"  And aparently I didn't "pronounce" it correctly because he said back emphatically, "No GEEDEE - O D I  -  GeeDee!"  It was all I could do not to laugh.  I guess sending him to preschool at 3 1/2 was a good idea.  He gets the concept that letters make up words.   Daniel loves to tell his own stories, as well as turning mine into his b/c he likes his ideas better!  Maybe someday Uncle Gary can help him get his stories published.